Healing is about finding your inner peace-making peace with all the pieces- ‘peacing’ your self back together Tippy Clement de l’Epine
1. Express Gratitude
When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Being grateful for even the smallest thing is like a seed for creating a healthier life for your Body, Mind, Emotion and Spirit. If you imagine being grateful is like a tiny spark of light that grows brighter and bigger the more thankful you are. Eventually you start to see everything as a blessing and a gift, including your illness or current life challenge. This leads to peace, harmony, joy and of course healing. Before I go to sleep I usually run through my day picking out and recognising the highlights and being grateful for these amazing blessings. If I am too tired I just say ‘Thank You for yet another amazing day’.
2. Cultivate Optimism
Try to be PRONOID as opposed to paranoid. Being pronoid means that: ‘I believe that everything and everyone in this World is conspiring to shower me in blessings!’ And my experience shows me that they do. If you don’t quite believe that yet…… say it to yourself now. Then try saying it as the first thought when you get up and several times a day especially if you feel less than high. If someone or something makes you feel pessimistic …wave a magic wand, spin around or dance a little jig and say ‘I am so happy and grateful that everything and everyone in this World is showering me blessings!’ Maybe you need to do the dance in private, in the toilet or something. If nothing more you will make yourself laugh at the irony of it!
Optimists will find opportunities even in the most trying times. Apparently, optimists live 7 years longer than pessimists. I saw a great Chinese proverb the other day: ‘When the winds of change are blowing, you can either build up a brick wall to resist the change or you can build a windmill and harness the change’. This sums up the optimistic outlook. Every moment of now that unfolds into the next glorious moment of now is a perfect gift for you.
That is the great thing about getting ill or having ‘catastrophic’ things to deal with. Once you get over the initial shock, it is a wake up call. All of a sudden you realize your mortality. This is when you ‘crack up’ or to be more precise ‘crack open’ your true potential. If you are an optimist you will see this as an opportunity to express the best you can be and to cherish each precious moment of whatever time is left….
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus on the brightest. I do not judge the Universe Dalai Lama
3. Avoid Overthinking and Social Comparisons
Overthinking and stewing on things is like being on an automated factory production line working the repetitive machine of perpetual ‘same’ thinking. Depending on the thoughts you are overthinking, this may not necessarily lead you to long term happiness. If you find you are awash with anxious or negative thoughts, you need to take charge of them and discipline your mind. If you are going to go to the trouble of overthinking then make sure your repetitive thoughts are good ones.
Social comparisons will rarely lead to happiness. There will always be someone better off than you and someone worse off than you – as you may judge it. Judging does not take you on a path to happiness. ‘I would never behave like that, wear that, eat that, say that, do that etc”…..may give you a moment of self satisfaction but in the long run will only lead to resentment and frustration. Equally, wishing you were like this person or that person will make you feel inferior and won’t necessarily make you happy. I saw a lovely quote from Garcia Lorca, he said ‘the only time you look down upon someone is when you are reaching down to give them a hand.
If you can allow yourself to be inspired by other people’s success or equally you can allow yourself to be the inspiration for others, then this is a way of productively utilising the positive aspects of a comparison. But just remember you are YOU. Love and happily accept that fact. We are trying to learn to love ourselves unconditionally here, to heal our beautiful bodies and minds. So you need to give yourself the best chance and present yourself with the most ideal conditions in which to do this.
I think social media is a wonderful tool for connecting with each other, exchanging ideas and promoting ‘awareness’. But I do question the misery that is often created with the social comparisons that go on and the condemning and judging that sometimes accompanies this. Sometimes the material presented really could give the impression that we live in a terrible World. We don’t, we live in a wonderful World.
There are 7 billion people in this World and only a handful of them are troublemakers! Dalai Lama
I am not trying to live in denial that suffering doesn’t exist. What I’m saying is, don’t dwell on it endlessly, unless you are going to positively do something about it. If you are upset about animal cruelty, then volunteer a few hours of your time to work at the dogs home or donate money to the cause. If you are sad for the refugees then clear out your wardrobe and take your old clothes down to the charity shop. If you feel guilty about someone begging for money outside the supermarket then buy them a small bag of food. YOU CAN MAKE THE WORLD a BETTER PLACE and it makes you feel amazing when you do.
Don’t just complain, compare and overthink….use your discomfort to galvanise yourself into action – even the tiniest action will make you feel better. Eckhart Tolle: ‘When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.’ Couldn’t have put it better myself!
4. Practice Acts of kindness
Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way of feeling good. You don’t have to slavishly devote your whole life to helping others without a single thought for yourself. There is no need to turn yourself into a martyr and head for an early grave. But, if your predominant thought is that you are here to serve with love, in whatever capacity that presents itself, I can guarantee you will feel amazing. Being the most loving parent, child, sibling, in law, boss, co worker, student, teacher, fellow human, means you will also be able to practice kindness towards yourself. If your attitude is one of ‘I’m not here to serve, I’m not subservient, I’m not a mug, I don’t want the world taking advantage of me’ then you have slightly missed the point, if you seek true happiness.
To serve with love is incredibly empowering. You are not a victim of your kindness, quite the contrary, it is a strength of such grace and wonder. If you see yourself as a weak person who’s kindness is always abused……..this is not a constructive mindset and can only bring you misery. You could however see yourself as an amazing saint, here to make the world a better place in everything you do! Even the smallest of gestures given with love will make you feel happy. Making someone a cup of tea with love, giving someone a compliment or encouragement with love, even stroking a dog with love, are all acts of kindness which make you feel good.
Nurture Social Relationships
The happiest people on the planet are the ones that share deep and meaningful relationships. Much research has shown that a sense of community is powerfully healing. Often quoted is the fact that married men live longer than single men. Loneliness is a human condition which leaves a hollow ache in a person. As they say ‘problems shared are problems halved’ and I would have to add that happiness shared is happiness doubled. So finding time to nurture those social relationships will reap rewards of contentment.
6. Develop Strategies for Coping
Recognising that you are going into overwhelm or not coping as well as you could be is half the battle and then having a tool box with options in it for a quick fix or slower fix. Some of my quick fixes include taking a few deep breaths and closing my eyes and imagining myself or the situation in a better way. Or putting on my headphones and listening to a guided meditation which clears my mind of negative clutter. Going for a walk with my dogs. Swimming in the sea. Lighting a candle and having a pot of my favorite tea. Or a quick round of (EFT) Emotional Freedom Therapy.
Other fixes for me to cleanse and clear the overwhelm would be getting into nature in any way. I have a tree in my garden. I sometimes go up and touch the trunk and ask that it takes away my worries and it kindly gives me energy! I would go so far as to say I sometimes sit in its branches with a cup of tea and feel very refreshed afterwards.
7. Learn to forgive and set yourself free
O, Lord, remember not only
The men and women of goodwill
But also those of evil will.
But remember not all the suffering
they have inflicted upon us,
Remember the fruits we have borne thanks to this suffering-
Our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, our courage, our generosity, the greatness of heart which has grown out of all of this,
And when they come to stand before you let them speak for them.
Anonymous prayer found in Ravensbruck Concentration Camp near the gas chamber. Taken from Andrew Harvey’s book of prayers Light the Flame.
Resentment is one of the strongest and most damaging of human emotions and clouds happiness and healing. The act of forgiveness in its own right is equally incredibly powerful and it has the capacity to heal and transform. Forgiveness is about choice. It’s not about absolving someone of their past actions or condoning their behavior. It is a matter of choosing to release yourself from having to cope with it. Forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness but a sign of pure strength. Being willing to swap forgiveness for your own inner peace requires compassion, insight, kindness and wisdom. If these characteristics are not currently present in you in abundance just say an affirmation such as ‘I am willing to see this another way. Let me be inspired to swap this pain for peace’. Each time you forgive, it will enable you to release positive energy towards healthier and more productive endeavors…John Holland
8. Increase flow experiences.
When time stands still and you become one with the task with no other distractions you can get to such a level of happiness that even the simplest of tasks can become a joy. I know this sounds ludicrous but even peeling the carrots for example can be all absorbing. Admiring the bright orange colour, the feel of the skin, imagining it growing in the ground, someone planted it, someone harvested it, someone driving the lorry to the supermarket etc etc. I would even go so far as to send blessings to everyone along the line and fill the carrot with love for whoever is going to eat it. The boring task has suddenly taken on a whole new enchanting story. If you can do it for a carrot imagine what you can do for a special meal out, family event or the next board meeting.
9. Commit to your goals.
Magical things start happening when we commit to doing what ever it takes to get somewhere. Even if you make micro steps towards your goal, they are still a move forward. The accumulated effect of those tiny steps eventually gathers so much momentum that achieving your goal becomes your reality and happiness and satisfaction a natural outcome.
10. Practice Spirituality
When we start to practice some form of spirituality, organised or otherwise, we realise we are part of a much bigger picture and find it easier to surrender our smaller worries to the higher plan.
You can read about Tippy in my Interview with Energy Healer Tippy Clement de l’Epine
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